Fast Sunday

As I sit in church, I often try to think of what I would say if called upon. Or in fast and testimony meeting, I often think of my own testimony at the time and the experiences and things that I had been thinking about that month. I hope to do this more often, but I thought "What better way to keep a 'spiritual journal' than to write some of those things down." So bear with me, but since this is practically my journal, I am going to post it and hopefully it may touch some of you.

September 27, 2009

I have been so fortunate to have been raised in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am amazed at the things that I have taken for granted and known ever since I was a young girl. I remember visiting an elderly lady in Chicago, Illinois when I was just ten years old accompanied by my father. Her husband had recently passed away and we had come to share with her the message of the gospel. Most of the time I sat there listening to my father and her discuss questions that she had, and I sat there looking pretty in my dress. Then, in the middle of their conversation my father turned to me and asked me to sing to him a familiar song that I had learned as a child called “I am a Child of God.”

In my innocent, sweet little voice I began to sing the familiar tune. “I am a Child of God. And he has sent me here. Has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear. (chorus) Lead me, guide me walk beside me. Help me find the way. Teach me all that I must do, to live with him someday. I am a Child of God, and so my needs are great. Help me to understand his words, before it grows too late. (chorus) I am a Child of God. Rich blessings are in store. If I but learn to do His will, I’ll live with him once more. (chorus)”

As I finished the song, I looked into the eyes of this beautiful woman. Her eyes were beaming and full of tears. Never in her life had she realized before that she was the daughter of someone so grand and that she was loved dearly by Him. It overwhelmed her immensely. And I was able to teach her as a ten year old child.

Later in my life, I was going through a difficult time and struggling to really find out who I was and what I stood for. I was reading the Book of Mormon at that time, cover to cover and read of the testimonies and guidance given from those prophets at that time. As I grew close to the end of the book, I read Moroni’s promise in Moroni: 10: 3-5. I knew that I needed to know for myself that these things were true. I was away from my home at the time and escaped to a holy, sacred place to me; my grandfather’s gravesite.

I woke up early that morning and walked the block to the grave and knelt down beside it in earnest prayer. I sought to know if what I was reading in this book truly was from the Lord. If the prophets that I loved and endeared at that time were truly prophets inspired by Him. I prayed for a time and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. After the prayer, I turned to the grave and felt so incredibly overwhelmed with love. It’s hard to describe exactly how I felt, but I knew that I hadn’t felt exactly like that before. Tears immediately came to my eyes and every part of me felt as if it was being held in an embrace. I remember distinctly remembering a small, quiet voice come into my head and say, “You have always known, Caytee.”

And I couldn’t deny it. I have always known that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true and living church here upon the earth. I have always known that I have a Heavenly Father that loves me so much that He sent his son to die for me so that I could return to Him one day. I know that I am a child of a Heavenly Father that knows me personally and individually and knows the intents and love in my heart. He understands the trials and joys that I face and has never failed to be there for me. I know that the Book of Mormon was inspired and translated by Joseph Smith for this time and generations. And I know that the prophets and apostles today are called of God to serve and be inspired to lead us. I know these things without a doubt. In fact, I truly have always known. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.